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Hit by a Truck

July 8, 2010

We’ve all heard the saying before- But I mean it quite literally. A truck…well- an SUV (but I don’t know anyone who doesn’t call an SUV a truck).

As I seem to begin most of my posts- it has indeed been awhile since my last post. I still feel odd about posting in the new space. It isn’t “broken in”. I want to say its like breaking in new shoes but I love shoes and I kinda just suck up the pain of breaking them in whereas a new blog I kinda of just avoid posting in it.

Anyway back to the truck.

No one in Hollywood could possibly write my life. Not in one script.  I don’t think they would think it completely possible that so much can happen in so short a time. I read that I think “Oh my Lord! Does my self-centered-ness know no bounds?!”. It is my blog though so really what else would I focus on, right?

Anyway- back to the truck- for  real this time.

About a week and a half ago I got a phone call from my Dad.  My Grandma was hit by an SUV. Literally.

She doesn’t drive.

She was standing at the corner waiting to cross the street. She was on her way to catch the bus to a birthday party of the little granddaughter of one of her friends

A guy was so busy trying to text and drive that he checked the curb and didn’t even realize he hit her.

He dragged her behind his truck for a block and a half.

She was standing in front of our building so thank God the tenants were outside and saw everything. These people have been renting the space from us for years (over 20) and so really they are like extended family.  One of them literally picked her up and ran her to the hospital (its not the greatest hospital in the world but it is the closest). Another called my Uncle since they all have his number because he is the emergency contact for them. He lives an hour away in Long Island. A group of them detained the driver and called the cops. It helped that my Uncle is a cop- he’s almost retired and has been teaching at the NYC Police Academy for the last 7 or 8 years.  I don’t know what is going to happen with the driver.  I can say that I am not yet reasonably objective about what happens to him at the moment.  Whatever time can be slapped on him I want him to get, whatever punishment.

Who knows? Maybe that is reasonably objective, right?

When my dad called he asked me if I was home and if I was sitting down. When he said “There’s been an accident” my heart started racing.

Okay, let me just stop here for a second and make an observation before I continue. It is relevant so it isn’t really one of those rabbit trails that I am known for.

This whole experience has me wishing that family feuds were as easy to resolve as it is on television or in the movies or books.  Its not that easy though.  My Uncle (subsequently his wife and my cousins) has had minimal contact with our entire side of the family- with the exception of my father- for the last 20+ years. I won’t air out all the dirty laundry by going into all the reasons but I will say that the separation was sustained by my Uncle and Aunt and then for whatever reason my cousins took up the banner.  I’ve always been really – proactive- in sending cards for Christmas and inviting them to our wedding.  Anything big so that it can’t be said that I perpetuated this. My Grandma and I had decided awhile ago that it would be a policy of politeness- only its been one sided.

I have great memories of my Uncle from when I was really young and wonderful memories that are shared with my cousins. Fact of the matter is that they are strangers to me now and based in actions that they have chosen to make in the recent past, I don’t trust them.  I don’t trust them and neither does anyone else on this side of the family- my Grandma’s nieces, nephews, brothers, sisters, etc.  Yes, he and my Aunt were at the hospital first but I wasn’t comfortable until I called my cousin and he was there as well.

I’ve had to suck it up though and it has been alot harder than I thought it would be. I am not a rude person and I am so grateful that he and my Aunt are stepping up to care for her now. Especially since I can’t be.  I can’t afford the plane ticket. My husband is deploying within a week. When I got the phone call I hadn’t been home an hour from the hospital.

Oh yeah, I was in the hospital for two days. I had a couple/few of  “severe” infections (UTI, bladder and kidney) with everything that goes along with those and with the stress that created within my body triggered a fibro flair and a CFS flair.  So when my dad called and asked if I was at home and sitting down I literally had been home about 45 minutes and was just beginning a week of ordered bed-rest. I couldn’t lay on my back or my front because of the tenderness. I missed the first three of his phone calls because of all the situating that happens when one gets home from the hospital.

Life is odd.  My Uncle is all of a sudden making plans to come down and visit me in September.  I didn’t tell him no- no matter how much I dislike family I don’t ever say no to something reasonable.  Now, I’ll kick them out if they bring something I don’t agree with into my home but for family my home is open if they want to come. It’s the way my Grandma raised me. Like I said before- I won’t be the one to perpetuate separation when the issue isn’t mine. It’s kinda throwing me off though cause he’s never wanted to come.  He lied to me about coming to my wedding so I am not exactly holding my breath.  They are taking far better care of my Grandmother than either one of us expected- though part of it could be that the eyes of the family are all on him while he has my Grandma.

While the estranged son makes his way into the family, my father withdraws from it.  When he called he told me in a very matter of fact matter and then ended with “Well, I am going back to sleep- I have to go to work in the morning.”  He didn’t ask if I understood what he’d said, if I was going to be okay, or anything.  He spoke directly to me and is probably the only one that doesn’t know that I was in the hospital.  The whole situation with my Uncle isn’t my issue but the situation with my dad is my issue.  You know he’s only called my Grandmother ONCE since she was admitted to the hospital and then it was for less than a minute. She termed it a ‘courtesy’ call.  But he had plenty of time to go to the movies, out to eat, spend time in front of the television and going to friends houses (we do have mutual friends even though we don’t actually talk to each other).  Those of you who read here know how I’ve written of the betrayal I have felt from him before. You would also know how much I love (and how much I value) my Grandma.  If this incident were stand alone I would have a really hard to get past but as it stands I don’t see how that is going to happen.

What kind of person shows such disregard for their own mother when she is in such a situation with no reason to warrant the action?

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