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Maybe That’s It

June 4, 2010

Sometimes I am confused.

Well, that really something that isn’t new.  I don’t know — well, remember– if I wrote here about this situation with our oldest Niece and Nephew (ages 9 and 12 respectively).  In case I didn’t let me briefly review: The Man’s oldest two years ago was completely unknown to our side of the family. My husband’s parent weren’t married and not even 18 and so when C was born she was taken to be raised by a distant relative. Two years ago she found my sister in law Rae. When asked why his mother failed to mention another sibling, my Mother-In-Law told them she was waiting for the right time to tell them.  I find it interesting that in 28 years there was no moment good enough.  I would have like to invite them over for our wedding.

Anyway, they live in the Philippines and C approached my Mother In Law about having the kids sent over because the opportunities in education and living conditions are getting poor.  She- in turn- mentioned it to the Man and at the time we agreed to take them both should the family choose to help out.  We scheduled a “family meet” to talk about options for next week.

Naturally, when my Grandma called I told her about what was going on. After I told her the background and the tale she says we shouldn’t adopt the kids (which C and their father were willing to do so they could be here without worry about their resident status). Then she says that they should go and we chip in money. Then she says chip in money and keep them over there because I shouldn’t want to separate the children from their mother. Basically what the conversation meant was that I wouldn’t know how to be a good mother and that I wouldn’t even if I created a support around me. We should not adopt at all.  I am just lonely .She asked about the Man’s other siblings and why they haven’t offered to do anything.  When I told her of J and D (sister and brother in law who have recently moved to Jersey City from Cali) and their deep desire to not be parents she says “They are smart”.

And in the meanwhile she can help plan the 125 guest baby shower that the family is throwing for Aracely- my 19 year old, unmarried cousin who apparently is somehow more able than I am.  The Seattle branch of the family are flying to NY to attend.  See this will be the first baby born to the younger generation so there is a lot of excitement

Maybe therein lies this lesson that I am not learning.

I am going to go ahead and tuck that into another compartment in my head and stack it on top of the rapidly growing compartments .  I don’t know how much more I can take or how much longer I can keep tucking these things away to deal with individually.

I love my family but recent comments have left me scratching my head about how it is they see me exactly

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One Comment leave one →
  1. June 8, 2010 6:01 am

    Allow me to be blunt – I think your family is using you as a doormat. It was really unconsciable of your Grandmother, no matter how much she loves you, to say this to you when she very well knows how much you want to have children of your own. I think you would do great to take those two kids in.

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