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Brain Dump

October 31, 2009

For some reason I have too much static in my head and trying to write my papers for my classes just isn’t working for me.  Right now it is 11:35 at night.  I need 750 words and I am stuck at 250. I figure if I just dump my thoughts I can clear up some room up there.

It is harder than I thought it would be going back to school.  My brain is out of practice- seriously.

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We didn’t qualify for a morgage so I don’t know what we are going to do as far as housing in Georgia.  That really was a disappointment.  The Hubbs credit score was a couple points shy of the minimum.  My score more than meets the standard but since I am not working I am considered as not having an income.  I can’t count his income as my own even though we are married and have been living on his pay for almost five years now.  I don’t understand how every other kind of loan you can co-sign and apply a spouses income.  I must say that I feel frustrated.  And worried. I didn’t want to have to wait until we got there to find a home but I don’t see how we can do it another way.  When we moved here it took us 3.5 weeks and a full paycheck  to find a house and a home-owner that were willing to allow our dogs.  We do have friends that we will probably be staying with until we find something but that is still going to cost us money.  The deposits for the dogs- if we find anyone willing to allow them- are going to be somewhere in the 750 ballpark. Now even though it is about four months until we move, money isn’t a huge issue that we have to worry about because my Grandma said she’d help us out with moving money.  To try and not depend on that too much we are going to be saving all the extra money that will be coming on the side in the coming months.  My birthday is coming up as is our anniversary.  Christmas and his birthday.  Money is usually what we get from the few people who actually send us something.  He also has his clothing allowance that is supposed to be for new uniforms.  He will be using part of it to actually buy new Winter PT uniforms but his ACU’s are gonna have to make it another year.  Whatever is left over will go into the moving fund.  Oh and they’ve been screwin up our pay since May as well.  The Hubbs spoke with the Sgt Major and he was told that once the paperwork is done we’d be getting a back pay check- which should be a good amount.  That was last week.  Today was payday and whatever the issue was it hasn’t been fixed yet.  It wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t our grocery money- and we aren’t willing to be missing or skipping bills- even though we’ve had to reduce payments to the variables.  My student loans went into deferment this month so a large part of that money will go toward the move.  Our tax refund will go into the move as well.

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I am getting more and more unable to handle my sisters little pregnancy quips that she posts on FB.  In fact I absolutely hate seeing them.  I don’t want to deal with it at all. I would prefer to pretend that I didn’t know she was pregnant.  We are going home for Thanksgiving and I just don’t know how I am going to handle that- seeing her.  I just don’t understand what reasoning there is that while my dreams are crashing down around me she gets everything I so badly want.  I don’t want to be at her wedding.

It’s my week dang it!

I feel like I am just invisible and I’d just like to be seen.  It has always been my week because of my birthday and then our wedding being the same week.  She had to set her date right smack in the middle of it all.  Literally in the middle of it all.   Her gender ultra sound is the 23rd.  She set her wedding the 25th.  My birthday is the 24th and our anniversary the 26th. I have never in my life been jealous of my sister but the big green monster sure has taken up residence with the resentment bug who is on an overdose of bitterness.   If I could drink at this point I would probably be all about it but the most I can do is drown it in coffee- which is nothing.   I don’t know how to deal with this.  I mean I was successful in avoiding my sister-in-law completely during the last 2/3’s of her pregnancy with Az.  I mean yeah I was at the wedding but she was barely showing at that point.

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The Hubbs is in Jacksonville this week so I am home all by my lonesome with the dogs.  His best friend got into a really bad motorcycle accident yesterday afternoon.  He has broken bones and head trauma.  By the time I went to bed very early this morning – around 130- he still had not regained conciousness.  Thankfully by the time I woke up James has woken up and was speaking clearly- which was in doubt. The doctor’s said they consider it a miracle that he is coherent with the head trauma he suffered.

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I am pretty sure I will be avoiding FB the next couple days.  I am not in the mental place required to endure children in costume pictures or status updates saying how much fun their kids are having.  yada yada yada.

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