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Compelled

September 11, 2009
tags:

Never Forget

Today I feel compelled to make a post.  One to add to the many made in remembrance of 09-11-2001.

I won’t be able to write much because I don’t think I have quite dealt completely with what happened on that day.

I remember that I was in Florida- just getting out of my English 101 class and driving to work at the Naval station.   The panic and almost frantic reaction that turned my car toward home.  Calling on my cell to see if my Grandma was alright, if my family was okay. Over and over again- dialing any number that might work. The not knowing how my loved ones were.  The fear for my uncle who serves in the NYPD.  The wondering about childhood friends.  Even now, I think about it and my heart jumps into my throat and I have a moment of being unable to function.

I don’t remember how my oldest brother reacted or how my dad reacted.  Here were my priorities: My Grandma was and still is my anchor and all that mattered was that she was okay.  My other Grandma lived (and still lives) in Manhattan with my Great-Grandma and Great Uncle.  I have cousins and aunts and uncles scattered over the boroughs of New York City.  It was days before we got word of how anyone was doing.  Days before we found out if anyone we knew was gone…

Only one is gone …was never found…

Since that day I haven’t ventured to the footprints of those buildings.  I can’t handle that while it still sits as a scar.  I tried once in 2002 and just approaching that part of town was too much.

So I haven’t forgotten and I don’t think I ever will.  I have these feelings locked away- not solely as a memory but as a kind of pandora’s box. Those feelings are still undiluted by time or distance.  Undiluted by political issues.  Undiluted by the service of my fellow military friends, family and husband- who have served multiple deployments.

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