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Over the Horizon

August 27, 2009

I’m giving up…. again.

I’ll go through the motions but I don’t have enough heart left pieced together to get me through more failed cycles.  I’ll do what they tell me I need to do but hope is no longer welcome in this particular part of my life.  I wonder: Does that mean I am insane?  I mean for almost five years now I have gone through the “natural trying” motions.  Every cycle.  Hoping and Praying that the result would be different.  I thought that to start up with actual help (since we now live a state that mandates a certain amount of coverage for infertility) I would, emotionally, be at a good base-line.  Instead I picked up right where I left off.

Moving right along.

A few days ago I submitted a request to get information from different schools.  I’ve been trying to get back into school for a few years now.  I love school and everything that comes with it (with the exception of any math based class…ugh).

The day before yesterday I spoke to one of the representatives who took my information.  He said he picked three schools he thought would be a good fit for me.   Told me to expect calls from all three inside of 72 hours.

So yesterday the first school called- a bit too early because I was still in bed. I didn’t think much about it. Yesterday afternoon I got a phone call from the second school.  This particular school is a division 2 school with a well rated online program of study.  A plus for this school is that in the finance department they have an independent military relations branch.

They asked me what I was hoping for and what kind of class load I was able to handle.  The basic answer is that I will do whatever I can financially afford: Full-time, part-time or not at all.  I am not looking to get another school loan out because I have enough of a burden paying off the four I already have.  Basically I am looking for a sufficient mix of grants and scholarships so that I don’t have a second pound of flesh extracted from my body in exchange for education.

The admissions guy (who is a military vet himself) said that there was a new grant program that was for the advancement of the careers of military spouses.  They award up to 6k and pay directly to the school.  He said every one who had applied from their school had been granted a good amount (if not all).  He also explained to me the new GI Bill rules regarding a spouse using a portion of the money available for the education of the spouse.  He also brought to my attention that with their school- for military members and family the cost per credit hour is approximately half  of what the usual cost! So since I already have my associated that means I only need two years worth of funds, but not actually two years if the cost per credit hour is half.  That means that after it all the Hubbs should still have three years worth of the bill to use for himself!  More if I get approved for some of these scholarships I’ve been looking into lately.

My admissions dude asked me if I had specifically requested their university and I told him no.  We’d been talking about my rather decorated educational path (at this point I’ve been to five different colleges/universities) and my first two (Trinity Baptist College and Pensacola Christian College) were private Christian colleges.  Turns out this school is a private non-denom Christian university meaning that I have some interesting choices when it comes to my electives which I am extremely excited about.

So of course this also means that in the interview process they want to know what my own particular spiritual path involved and my own personal testimony.  Which is cool.

Then we got to what I wanted to study.  Now I have my Associates in Business Administration, but I didn’t exactly want to continue in that path. So we started talking about the different programs available to the online program.  As we are chatting he breaks out with “Have you ever thought about teaching?”

Now I had thought about it way back in the day.  Not seriously though because at the time I was very focused on getting through my pre-law studies program.  The realities of the PRICE that goes with getting a law degree is part of what motivated me to change my major (the other was I was working in an office setting and was aiming for promotion to administrative assistant).

Now, with having just the one car, it would be too much to teach on top of dealing with his potential strange hours.  He submitted to me a plan that got me really excited!  He said that I could Major in English Lit (which is my absolute favorite- I can probably save in matriculation fees because I already own so many of the books that will be used) and Minor in Business to enforce my associates.  After that I could apply to teach in an online setting- which would be PERFECT!  They have a job placement programs for their alumni.

The total amount of credit hours totaled from the Major and Minor would amount to 138 credit hours over two years (if I can swing a heavy case load then it would be less than two years).

A bonus is that the loans I have now would go into deferment- which would help us out quite a bit.

I am hoping to start 28 Sept.  He said if I wanted to push it I could get into the 31 August class but that would be too stressful. 28th is perfect  because I’ll just be getting back from Florida- all rested up and ready to go!

If I am not gonna be a mom then I have to find something else right?

2 Comments leave one →
  1. August 28, 2009 7:48 am

    See… no matter what I do, I just can’t manage TO give up. Try as I might to stop caring and move on… I just freaking can’t. *sigh*

  2. nissadog permalink
    September 13, 2009 9:08 pm

    Kind of a late comment to this post, but I didn’t have your blog bookmarked. Anyways…I could have (and kind of did) written this post!! I just can’t give up TTC…don’t think I ever will until I go in to menopause! So, I’m gonna try to go back to school as well! I wish you the best of luck with all of it! my blog is jtrbaby.blogspot

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