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Progress Report and Conflict

July 28, 2009

Wow it has taken me quite awhile to get back and write down my thoughts, and Lord knows I have had plenty of them lately.  It seems that with the “break cycle” I also took a break from writing.

There is so much to write about and I think that I’ll start with this cycle and the plans for the coming cycle.  Let me just stick a statement in right here: The Hubbs is one lucky dude!  He is gone out on field problems yet again.  He’s only been home 10 days since the last one.   Anyway, he’s due to be gone about 14 days- which (if my cycle starts on the 1st like I anticipate) means that he’ll be home just in time for my fertile window.  He also gets to miss almost all of the “crazy” me.  The plan is basically to do the same as last cycle: Clomid at 100 days 5-9 then supps in the luteal phase.  I already have them..chillin out in the fridge.  When the Hubbs got back home from the last exercise he saw them in there and was like “Did they double?”.

See the pharmacy has decided that they’ll no long make 15 day supplies but rather just the 30.  I suppose that is good if by some miracle I get pregnant.  I’ll have a full fifteen days to get everything set up with doctors without having to worry about rushin to the pharmacy for more supps. I must say though that the thought of even getting pregnant is like some faery tale: it is nice to think about and imagine but there is no way its gonna happen in “real life”.

So should things fall they way they have every cycle for the last four years/9 months I’ll be going in for a laproscopy in September.

I am really hoping it will be early September because at the end of the month I am supposed to be going back to Florida for a few weeks to help out one of my best friends when she has her baby.  My Grandma asked me which was more important (the lap or going) and in order to answer the question honestly I had to really think about it.

Came to the (admittedly self-centered) decision that if a lap is what we need to know what is wrong with me then I’ll have to go when they schedule me to go. Most would say that I could do both or that I could reschedule for when I get back, but the thing is that with this hospital rescheduling can push things back for months.   I am so hoping that it won’t come down to having to choose.  I haven’t told my friend yet because I don’t want to worry her about the whole thing. In August I should know for sure when the date will be and I’ll deal with it all then.

Another thing that I am having a crisis of conscience.  On Sunday, the Hubbs and I decided to visit a church that support some missionary friends of mine.  I went in with an open mind about things because I really wanted to love it there. We haven’t had a church since we left Florida.  I want to say that our home has spoiled us because it is such a great church!  Its where we met and most definitely holds a special place in both our hearts.

What we have been doing is catching the services online on Sunday’s (they live stream the morning service as well as the Wednesday night service).  We learn a great deal and are encouraged but we miss the fellowship.

So anyway, we go on sunday and its a small place.  Not a strike in the column- just an observation.  My first non-Catholic church was a small church and  I loved it. Anyway, so we got there about 15 minutes before the service started and waited in the lobby (I found the newsletter my friends send out to their supporting churches and passed along to D– that maybe they should take a new photo since they haven’t since their son was born).  We were the only ones there for about 10 minutes since I am guessin most of the people were in their respective Sunday School classes. The Pastor came down and greeted us and we got our visitor card to fill out and went to sit down inside the sanctuary.

I said it was small.  I knew it was a small church when we pulled into the parking lot.  I was a bit shocked though with how small the inside was.  I tried not to let it color my perception although you will remember that what we were looking for included fellowship.

So the music part begins and its good.

Can I say I hate being the center of attention? The Pastor pointed us out at the beginning of the announcements.  I hate that.

Anyway, so apparently the women’s retreat was last week and they were doing testimonies.

This is where I paused for a second (or more).  Many of the ladies (including the Pastor’s wife) said the same thing: at church they don’t truly have fellowship.

I just don’t understand that!  I mean how do you go to church week after week and not have fellowship?  This aspect is what we are missing in our lives and they were saying themselves that they are missing the aspect as well.

It makes me hesitant about joining if I am going to be completely honest.  I didn’t want to pass judgment though because the preaching is a major part of choosing a church as well.  I liked that they had a clear mission and held the same standards we have come to expect from a church.

You know there is a “but” comin.

BUT the format of the preaching totally distracted me to the point that I got nothing solid from the message. You see they put out there that they have Spanish services as well.  I don’t know what I was thinking but I certainly didn’t think that both services were actually one service.  The Pastor had to keep pausing so that the translator could do his thing.  My brain can’t work that way.

The Hubbs and I went to lunch with a couple of the guys and he hit it off with them- which I am very happy about.  I, however, was feeling like some sort of snob and I hated that I felt that way.  I still hate it as a matter of fact.  The whole day is still preying on my mind even now.  I feel guilty about my thoughts because the people there seem to be good people.  Another part of it is that ministry apparently is only the Sunday School and service- but the church is smaller than my entire 5th grade sunday school class at our home church so to expect a singles, couples, women’s ministry is obviously not reasonable.

I don’t know how to put it all into words.  I just know that I don’t want to keep attending out of guilt- which could very well happen.  ARGH.

Moving on to family news.

So at the bottom of this post I am planning on putting up a 1mth old Jaelyn picture as well as a new one of Az.  They are both growing so fast!  They are completely adorable though.

My younger brother (the middle) took his ASVAB and scored high enough to get the job he wanted (air craft mechanic) but has to pay off his debts (totalling more than 6k) before he can ship off to basic training.  His original ship date was going to be at the end of September but they are giving him til May 2010 to get his finances in order.  If he takes care of it quickly though he could very well go to basic sooner.

My sister is still with the guy in jail.  I am so opposed to them so strongly that she has stopped talking to me about him.  I can’t help it though. My gut instincts scream “NOOO” at every turn when it comes to this guy. I don’t think that it is too much to ask that my siblings have great people in their lives.  I love my sister in law and while things were quick with her and my bro – she is really good for him.  One thing I must say though about the situation is that it hasn’t fractured my basic relationship with my sister.  I know that sibling relations have been strained for far less reasons.   I am so thankful for that.

Pretty much that is all that is going on at this point.

SO now for the cutie pies that are my nieces:

Az chilling on the couch

Az chilling on the couch

Jaelyn w/ Auntie Jen

Jaelyn w/ Auntie Jen

Look at all that hair at just 4 weeks!

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One Comment leave one →
  1. July 30, 2009 11:30 am

    The nieces are beautiful!

    Finding a church that fits is just sooo hard. We haven’t found one we both really gel with yet either.. not in 3 yrs. And we left one we LOVED in NY. 😦 It’s getting more important to us now, but we’re still looking. Such a bummer.

    Good luck with everything.

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