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Take Out, Tuck Away

August 13, 2008

Let me just release a  little bit of the issue I am dealing with.  It completely has to do with infertility and I would LOVE to just deal with it outright, but I don’t think I can right now.  So close to my brother getting married and seeing my sister in law starting to show.. I need to absolutely tuck this in.  Right now though it is starting to get a bit large so I need to let some of the air out.

How ironic right?  That I am here.. making baby things and having the thoughts that lead along the line of “I am never going to be able to do this for myself”.  Yeah, it may happen all by itself but its not very likely. You know, I cleaned out the room that would have been our nursery should things have worked out as I feel they should.  I have dolls from when I was a kid, dressed in really bad 80’s style clothes, packed away to share with a child that may never be there. I have GI Joes that belonged to my dad and his brother when they were kids, packed away.  My brother and I played with those too. Its all away and out of sight. I have the christening outfits that both my brother and I were baptized in way back in the day.  Saved for the dedication of those children that aren’t there. The room is now empty except for the dog kennels.

There is so much more..but if I let it all out..it may take much longer to get through and I don’t really want to taint my brothers wedding for myself.  Even if it is tucked away, I can at least pretend– hopefully

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