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Ugly

August 6, 2008

So, you know how when something is happening you try to divert yourself from thinking too much about it?  I’ve been doing that lately with this blog.  There are about four drafts- different subjects- each an attempt to divert from whats really going on.

I’ve been feeling ugly.

In my emotions, my outlook, my visceral reactions, in my looks.  For about two weeks I am  just irritated by everything.  I mentioned it previously that “Moaning Myrtle” and “Bitter Betty” have taken up residence in my life and it feels like “Happy Heidi” is on the opposite end of the earth.

I can’t say what started it or what triggers it but I  don’t revel in it.

Is it fertility related? Possibly.  Right now I am on CD 31 with no indication that “Aunt Flo” is on her way.  There weren’t any fertile signs (that I noticed- and after so long I have hawk eyes even though we aren’t trying).  If my period starts in two days then I’ll simply assume that my body is working it way back to how it used to be (35+ day cycles with O around CD19-38).  Figures right?  Subconsciously, maybe this  could be a trigger.

Maybe its the fibro?  With the rain it certainly has been a bit difficult.

I just don’t know though.

Its frustrating.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. August 11, 2008 12:51 pm

    I often feel JUST like what you explain when I’m at the same point you are. I’m feeling it right now and I’m on CD 60-something. I also end up feeling really impatient that I can’t get to the doc even though it’s just til next week.

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