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Just Write Dang It

June 20, 2008

Health News: I Think This May Be Working

Introducing: Keeping It All Together


Ok, so I have tried to write a post for quite some time now and all I’ve ended up doin is staring at the screen.  Writer’s block is seriously building at great thick wall between me and my thoughs.  So I decided that I am just going to write and see where it takes me.  This may or may not be long but the last few days have certainly been blog worthy-  but I just couldn’t find the words.

Just a note about the link at the top of this page.  I decided that I will keep certain things out of this particular blog.  Instead I created one new blog to keep track of what I feel is interesting new articles from various places around the world (since I do believe that we have a very biased media and I find it interesting what other nations think of our politics as well as learning about things happening in the world that we don’t hear about here).  Mainly focused right now on the election but I am hoping to expand it into general news stuff that i feel strongly about outside of Infertility. I tend to lean conservative in the majority of my views, but I am open to knowing more about any one elses views as long as it remains on topic – just lettin y’all know.Today I just posted the link to the blog in general rather than a subject in there because I still have plenty of articles I want to put up before I start gettin specific. The other blog is to keep track of my health issues outside of infertility.    Things like symptoms, medications and general insurance ranting. The last of the three will be more religious/spiritual/biblical in nature. So basically I’m choosing to keep “hot button” issues seperate from this blog in general. When I post in any them I will probably  end up posting here I’ll put links at the top of the page then you (dear reader) can decide if you want to read or not read it. I hope this works out in reality as well as it does in my head.

Ok now that I have said all that let me just tell you all what happened yesterday.  I have told you guys that my brother’s fiance/wife (she said she changed her name but I am not quite sure if she meant legally or just in her head–) is indeed pregnant.  My feelings about this are pretty typical I suppose but to be honest I think that sometimes I feel all alone when I get news like this.  I think it may be apart of my block.  When I sit down to write about how I feel my mind goes blank.   Maybe its a survival tactic/coping mechanism?  What ever it is I am gonna poke a hole in it and see hopefully the issue at hand and be able to actually write it down.

See it’s happening again. Im drawing a blank so I just state facts and hopefully feelings will follow. Fact: My mother sent me a picture of Fertili-girl (thats what I am goin to refer to brother’s girlfriend/fiance/ wife because it takes to type out what I just wrote repeatedly)…a belly shot.  I’ve got more of a belly in my bloat than she does at this point.  The question here is why the heck is she sending me this?  I’ve posted about this at Loungeplace but for those of you who are not members there let me say that my Mom knows something is wrong.  I can tell because of the way she tries to protect me from the “kids” questions that end up being asked at family gatherings.  Even from my own Big Daddy who is so eager to be a Grandpa.  She usually calls to give me a heads up whenever some new person related by blood or by choice in our family gets knocked up.  She got major coolio points over Christmas.  But yesterday all that went down the drain.  I need to call her and tell her that she absolutely cannot and should not send me pictures of Fertili-girl’s belly.  I need to but I haven’t for the simple reason that I am still really upset about it.

I must say that I am really feeling the “line” mentalilty with this–not just fertili-girl but with Andrea and Cousin D.  I was in line first and I should have made this same announcement years ago.  None of these women are ready for a child (in Andrea’s case the addition of #4- she barely cares for the ones she’s got already).   Anyway, I think most of my family doesn’t get why I’m not excited. My Grandmother asked me when I told her about all this and she kind of slapped me on the hand verbally.  I am NOT excited to be a Tia at this point.  It’s all to new and raw for me to be happy about it.  I don’t want to offer my congrats or gush over how she’s feeling.  Maybe when my niece or nephew come into this world I can love and appreciate them as they are- wholly seperate from pregancy and my own issues with IF.   I am very confident that I can do that.

I think another part of my issue specifically with my younger bro in becoming a dad (possibly) is that whole “line mentality”. We should have made that annoucement already, we should be the one’s giving my parents their frist grandchild- to be the one to fulfill that part of their life story.  And it isn’t gonna happen that way apparently.


Let me tell you all about what my husband told me.  One of his co-workers, Nick, has a wife who is pregnant and due next month.  They were at the store and when them came back outside they heard some crying but didn’t know where it was coming from.  As they kept walking it got louder and they realized it was a baby crying.  As they got closer it got lounder and more insistant.  Nick saw that it was coming from the area where they had parked their truck.  Near them was another truck that it seemed the crying was coming from.  So they go and they find a baby, in his carrier, locked in the car with the back windows cracked!  Let say that for a couple weeks now we’ve had triple digit weather.  We are supposed to be getting a cold front for a day and the temps will drop to 94 degrees.  So yeah– its more than just a little bit hot ouside– imagine what its like in a truck with no a/c on.  So Im sure many of you will understand the absolute horror of what was going on.  Nick tried to get the door unlocked while his wife Rach called the police.  The baby was sweating, red-in the face so Nick decided that the cops wouldn’t mind if he broke the window to get to the kid so that is what he did.  Lord only knows if the incident left this child challeged in some way but most definately scarred. It took the father almost another 15 minutes to come out of the store- into the hands of the police and off to jail.  They did take the baby for care and I assume they called the mother.   Can you believe that?  It really got my Hubbs mad!


Im gonna have to end it there folks.  I am fading fast and need to try and load the dishwasher- but maybe after a nap.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. June 20, 2008 1:38 pm

    I just blogged about something similar. I totally feel ya.

  2. June 20, 2008 7:15 pm

    Lots of really interesting stuff in this one. I’ll come back and read more closely and comment more when I don’t have to get up at 5am.

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