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Getting Back Into the Swing of Things

June 9, 2008

This is kind of long…so if you don’t want to read it all then jump to the bottom and answer the question should it suit your fancy 😉

 

So that is what I am goin to try and do.  Lately I’ve just been so tired (I am guessing that is a mix of being on no medications, low iron and then starting new meds).  Even now I am sitting here on the couch with my two boys (Blade and Chubby- the dogs) with a box of wheat thins, a skein of yarn with knitting attached to it because somehow I messed up one row and will have to frog (which I absolutely hate doing with knitting- its so much more fun with crochet).  Lesson here is do NOT try and knit a particularly complex section when you are droppin lids at 10 in the evening. Just put it down and go to bed!  Especially if you are still a beginner.  FULL CONSENTRATION NEEDED PEOPLE. 

Also, dealing with infertility really has become more of a back burner thing.  Its still there and it still hurts but I’ve pushed it a bit farther away. I think that in really looking at the reasons why it hurt soooo much (and still continues to do so) really helped me look the monster in the eye.  Maybe while I shove it under the bed.

Maybe it could find some lost shoes that have ventured into never-never-land.  Ok.. that was stupid but ohh well. 

Back to the topic on hand: infertility.  It really sucks.  I know that I am just repeating what everyone knows but sometimes you just have to say it.  I’ve been sleeping on the news that my cousin is pregnant.  She is the first in our generation to actually get to that point.  Im the only one actually trying to have a child (or was trying- may be trying again in the relatively near future-talk about that later).  I am wondering what Cousin D will do.  Will she keep the child? Will she take care of herself during her pregnancy?  Will she be equiped to take care of the child after her pregnancy (seeing as the father has yet to finish high school Im not exacting counting him in the support picture)?  Will she …

That the question that runs through my head.  Will she?  What will she do?  My grandmother is the one that called and told me about Cousin D’s (lets refer to her from now on as C.D) announcement.  She also stated all the reasons I have as to why this isn’t the ideal situation.  My grandmother then said that maybe someone in the family could care of the baby in a way that the child needs.  She named alot of peope– except for us.  I even said “What about us?” and either she didn’t hear or she acted like she didn’t hear.  No matter that pause…that silence at the suggestion ripped my heart.  Does my Grandmother not think we can care for a child?   I mean, we have a home that is large enough for a child (seriously when your dogs have their own room there is plenty of space).  We have a steady income.  We have retirement savings.  We have the love and the desire for a child.  Yes, I have health issues but now thats being taken care of.  I know how to work our money.  I just don’t understand.  That pause, that half second, really hurt.    I am kinda hopin that she didn’t hear what I said because that would be better than the other option.

So I did mention that we may be jumpin back on the wagon in a bit.  Don’t know for sure when because we haven’t actually sat down and talked it out.  Its just been coming up more and more in conversation.  It certainly won’t be soon as the Hubbs has field training from this month through to next month (as I mentioned in a previous post).  Don’t know whats goin on after that since it depends on how the exercise goes this time around I suppose.  The Army Times is reporting that there is a new formula for deployment and they are goin to start lookin to the men and women who haven’t been deployed in a while (Hubbs has been home for a year) or had short-term deployments (Hubbs had several of these as his old unit did deployment rotation, and his final 12 month deploy was cut short by three months because we got orders here) so we are pretty much thinkin that he’ll be on that list at some point. 

Of course, Army Times is not the end all be all and the rumor mill is usually more accurate.  But this gives us a heads up as to what may be happenin for us in 09.  All this is being considered on my end- I am assuming at this point that he’s thought about this as well since he’s the one bringing it up.  I did get some OPK’s this cycle just to try them out and see whats goin on and if it will match up with my scope and temps.  Anyway, today I started them and there was a line!  What in the world?  It wasn’t a postive by any means but it wasn’t light either.  I am only CD 5.  I bet I’ll be one of those who it does’t work for.  Oh well.  Can’t say I didn’t try.  I’ll keep up on it though until its fully positive.  It will at least be interesting to see how things co-ordinate with the scope.

In testing- health news- like I said before I am really kind of loopy from the lycira but it says that its a normal side- effect and it will only last as long as it takes for my body to become adjusted accustomed to it. Did you know that you could totally feel dizzy laying down in bed and rolling over?  Well you can!  Thats how I’ve woken up the past couple days (besides Chubby yappin cause he needs to go out).  Today, I woke up that way but my feet seriously hurt.  Since it can take up to six weeks for the full benefit to be shown I am not quite as disappointment in the apparent lack of relief.  The doc told me that it would be this way and Im not even a week into the trial (six days).  I feel like my eyes are crossing but they aren’t.  Its wierd.

My blogversary (is that what you call it?) is coming up.  June 17th.  Thats pretty neat.  I’ve made approximately 219- this will be 220- posts and have approximately 19, 136 hits.  I wonder if it’ll be 20,000 by the time the year mark rolls around.  That’s alot of typin! Im ok with that though.  I love this medium.

Saying that- I would hope that you, regular readers, do not mind if I start to include more of my general opinions here.  In saying that while it is a primarily infertility blog, i am tempted to begin just using it as archive (for internet articles of any nature be it infertiity/feritilty, social issues, political issues, sports, television, etc.   I thought about starting another blog but that really would be a hassel.

HOWEVER- I would like opinions.  Would you be offended if I posted political views here and asked for participation?  If I post something inane (as related to television) will that be ok? If I talk about a book that i’ve just finished?  Crochet or knitting? Mentioning more about my fibro and other issues? Let me know because I would not want to alienate any of you from this space of mine.

There was something else, but I can’t remember what so when I do I’ll just make another post.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. June 9, 2008 4:39 pm

    I’m never offended by what people post on their blogs- be it political, personal interest, or whatever. It’s your blog, your thoughts. 🙂

  2. June 9, 2008 7:39 pm

    Of course it’s okay – it’s your blog, so whatever you want goes. If we don’t agree or aren’t interested in everything you post, that’s okay, we’ll just join in again when it comes back to something we have something to say about. 🙂

    I hope your grandmother didn’t hear…I really hope so.

  3. June 9, 2008 9:48 pm

    I will not be offended! blog away about whatever you want….:)

  4. June 11, 2008 2:02 pm

    I don’t care what you blog about! I’ll still be reading. 🙂 I find it helpful to blog about various things. It helps me realize my life is about more than my inability to have a baby. I think it also helps us connect better with one another. And finally, it’s my blog (and yours) so we can do what we want with them! haha. I don’t mind political blogging as long as there’s no bashing. But that’s all up to you. 🙂

    The knitting thing… I’ve had to learn to give it up when I’m too tired as well. Every time I try to push past it, it ends quite badly.

    Congrats on the pup!

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