Skip to content

Frustration Explained

April 30, 2008

So there are a few parts to this so I’ll just start with what started the ARGH feeling.

Apparently my mother in law is callin my husband specifically for the purpose of asking about grandkids. 

She needs to drop it.  She needs to shut up and quit harassing him because it stresses him out and as a result me.  She doesn’t talk to me about it anymore cause I told her more than one (most recently in Febuary) that as soon as I am she’ll know but not to ask anymore.  It doesn’t help anyone.  She called him and specifcally said “when are you gonna make me a grandma?  You know Im still waiting”.

Well, la-de-freakin-da….SHES waiting.  Well because of that we’ll get right to it!  Hip to… strip now… lets make a baby!  She’s waiting…

My mom and step dad too.  My younger brother’s girlfriend thought she was pregnant and before they knew for sure they told our parents.  They were so excited…when they called me… all they kept saying was “We were hoping it would be you first, but oh well” “You guys have been married forever, we’d thought you’d be the first”.

Then when they found out she wasn’t it was right back to it “We’re waiting on you” “ok, so when … “.

It enough to make you want to rip your hair out.


On top of that is this class the hubbs signed up for–before knowing that he was goin to be in and out with field problems.  So I’ve been doing the work and just giving him the notes so he can take the tests.  The end of the class was in the middle of his last field work-up.  So they extended it and I’ve been able to get most of it done…but he’s going out again so he still won’t be able to finish in the time so I was waiting for his advisor to come back from her vacation so that she could process another extention.  I ended up having to do it thorugh someone else but it got done so now at least that is one more thing off my back.

I am hoping my mother makes the payment for the car tomorrow… its kind of stressin me out. I don’t want to call her though cause Im still a bit miffed about the whole child-bearing guilt crap they pulled on me.

And insensitive people on fertility friend.  That was the icing on the cake!  There is one chick that- since I had to renew- I have been avoiding.  She gets under my skin in the best of times and seriously offended me around thanksgiving of last year. She told me that she would be pregnant for Christmas while I would still be bitter and trying.


Who says that?

Anyway, this particular posting was about that F word.  The Finally word.   Now I know for some its just a word but for some… like me.. it hurts to see it.  Normally I would just pass over it… and I did for a long while.  But I had to say something when this girl- I won’t say who she is…some of you might know of whom I speak and the rest just know she isn’t worth naming— says that she’ll use the word BECAUSE SHE CAN.  She knows that it would hurt other women- women who provide her support when she has questions, when she is feeling down in her journey, hopeless in the end of a new cycle, who would wish her well whole-heartedly should she have her pregnancy and yet she would sting them.  It wasn’t me who told her at the beginning — it was other women.  Others who would feel the sting of that word.

With the thousands of words in the human language I dont understand a need to use the ONE that others have said hurt them.

I guess there is no understanding, some people are just mean like that.  Its nagging at my mind a bit today but I’ve pretty much let it go.  I’ll continue to avoid that particular person during the brief time I actually am on the site. 

What saddens me though are the number of women who think the way that she does.  Fertility Friend seems to be filled with them…and so when I expire this time.. there will be no going back.  The support isn’t for all women in all situations, but for the majority who don’t have the conception problems.  I knew that before, but this last bout of conversation just makes it all that more apparent. 



So thats it.  The most recent of my frustrations.

7 Comments leave one →
  1. subtropic permalink
    April 30, 2008 3:20 pm

    What’s unfortunate is that your family is most likely asking you these pointed questions without even realizing what they’re doing. It’s such a formality when speaking to a married couple that they may not even realize how repetitive it is.

  2. April 30, 2008 4:04 pm

    I’m so sorry about your parents and especially your MIL. If I recall, she’s Filipino? Oh yeah … I totally can relate to that kind of “guilt trip” pressure. As if YOU can control what’s going on with your body. I hope that things get better for you and Hubby.

  3. April 30, 2008 7:03 pm

    Sorry you’re having to deal with pressure from the family and in-laws, I know it’s tough…I’m just waiting for my MIL to say something to me, thank God she hasn’t yet. Thought my SIL has been harassing me for almost two years now! When I remind her what it takes to make a baby, and how that process involves her brother, she is momentarily grossed out and retreats…for about a month or so, lol. I’m not sure when/if we’re going to have to tell them what we’re going through, I’m praying we won’t have to get to that point.

  4. April 30, 2008 8:35 pm

    I am sorry for your pain… a few thoughts – maybe something will help…

    any chance your husband could say to these insensitive family members “back off, obviously infertility isn’t easy for us” better yet, the kind of support we need is… and then tell them what you want to see in their behavior…

    Separately regarding your insensitive friend – I suggest you get rid of her. Years ago I was friends with someone at work, she was actually a friend of a friend who introduced us when we were at the same co…. well, she used to say mean things to me all the time, I used to ignore her, just turn the other cheek… then one day she went to far – we were at a going away party for her (she was going to a new co) and she said some really mean things to me, I put some money on the table to pay for my dinner that I didn’t get, told her I couldn’t be friends with her anymore that she was just too mean, and I left… really, it was so liberating!!! I called my friend who knew both of us, said I had enough, didn’t want him to get involved,… she called later that night, I explained that she was mean, gave two examples, said I didn’t want to be friends any more, and I would appreciate it if she didn’t call any more – and that was it… In the past 13 years we saw each other at a wedding (very civil) and she sent me an email to see how I was doing… I replied “fine”. and that was it… sometimes it is hard to do this – but I think you should have supportive people around you – you deserve this! Good luck!

  5. May 1, 2008 9:08 pm

    I feel your pain with the in-laws. 😦 HUGS. And why the heck are your hands fugly?? If it’s b/c they’re strong working hands, I love those kind. I think they’re beautiful. 🙂

  6. May 4, 2008 4:59 pm

    I think Sharon has some great advice for the MIL – I would ask hubby to go to bat on this one for you first. I mean, it is his mom…and I think there are ways to deal with it in a straightforward way without being confrontational.

    Re fertility friend. I have never been on these boards but I have heard SO much about them and this kind of behavior on them. WTF? I am intrigued and slightly sickened at the same time. As if you don’t have enough angst in real life, it seeks you out online too?

    I am really sorry that the place you went to for support gave you the opposite.

  7. steph permalink
    July 9, 2008 9:52 am

    i feel for you… at this moment i am really depressed. i’m married for almost 6 yrs and ttc. i’m so depressed and i have a lot things in my mind, questions that I myself cannot find an answer. what i just know is that i am tired of everything… what i’ve just read in your blog happend to me so so so many times… while reading this, i can picture myself in your shoes! exactly happening to me!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: