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Him. Me. Us.

February 28, 2008

So this particular section of UnSung Lullabies there are two sections—one on the journey from the man point of view.  It wasn’t so much eye opening for me since we have talked about these things but I can definately see how to not include this section in the book would have been a mistake.  To often we only see the woman’s point of view and I think that is because women are more likely to want to “talk it out”.  Men not so much so.  I think the pressure of reproduction is so much greater on the man that even the woman in some instances.  I don’t know really…but it was a vital part of the book in my estimation.

I am afraid that I really don’t have much to say that is either profound or mundane about this particular section.  It does speak of the effect of infertility on the relationship– of acknowledging that infertility and ART’s  can shake the deepest of foundations and shed streams of doubt over everything in life.  It was like that about half way through to the point we are at now– we began to doubt eachother but we did realize that it wasn’t our relationship but rather our differences in coping.  What I think is unique to us is that we cope in exactly the same ways–but at  opposite sides of the circle.  If he is down I am the one that is optimistic.  If I go on information overload, he would rather not dwell on things.  And when things are balanced…then we are both balanced.  I think its good though even during those times Im frustrated. 

Things would be so much worse if neither one of us understood or if both of us constantly was on one end of the spectrum with never meeting in the middle.  Our marriage would never survive that– and that is more than in terms of infertility.
The authors also touch on the fact that sometimes its the relationship that has issues.  For those couples who feel like having a child will help their problems…infertility only throws open those cracks that were there in the first place.  In the same way that even if a child were born to the couple that parenthood would also throw open the cracks– only in that case the child must then deal with the issues at hand, sometimes even taking the blame upon themselves.

The sections on healin are comin up in the book and I am very much lookin forward to that.

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