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Why Not Me?

February 16, 2008

So, this is goin to probably be shorter than what I normally do because my laptop has gone on strike and refuses to even start up my operating system— so that mean I have to use my desktop (which I hate) and my hubby needs to get work done for school and such so I can’t stay on more than a few minutes anyway.

This week in Unsung Lullabies we are working through Chapter 5.

This is another chapter that I read and thought to myself “Again, what I feel/ have felt right there in black and white. On a printed page”.

I totally understand how this book could have only been written by a group of not only caring people, but people who have walked this part of the road.  Who show their understanding through the words they use and in the way they use them.

The chapter starts in bringing to the front myths about reproduction in general as it is portrayed by media (especially these days with all the celeb pregnancies) on how easy it is, of A.R.T’s and how it prolongs our reproductive years (this one really doesn’t apply to me cause we can’t afford it anyway), and the cultural myth that married couples will have children. 

As far as the cultural myths go my take on this is that in our society today there are one of two choices for the couple:

Child-free by choice (which is still only semi-acceptable)

or with Children.

The in-between is where the Infertile stands and although the crowd is larger than our immediate selves, it doesn’t seem that way because it is such a personal struggle.

There is an interesting section that I wish I had the time to go into (and definitely will once my laptop sends me its demands and I can meet them) on why this whole thing makes a person feel so bad about themselves, about the world around them and their influence on that world. 

I will though touch on the changes in myself because I think that is important to do at this point.  When we got married, I stopped working because we just “knew” that our family would begin right away.  It wasn’t a matter of simply quitting the job I was in for that sole reason.  We had to be at his new post in Atlanta as well.  My reasoning was simply that why would I go through the trouble of finding a job, getting trained in that job- just to turn around and quit the job.  Luckily, we didn’t need the second income.  When we moved here last year- I certainly wasn’t as optimistic about becoming pregnant but the thought still influenced where we settled, how large this place is, the neighborhood its in (all schools are in pretty good walking distance).  Now though, I hate this house because of the room, because of where its located.  I do love the yard though and the dogs do too (so that’s still a plus).  Hubby approached me though a couple days ago about moving into an apartment when our lease is up here in a couple months.  It would be cheaper if we could find a place that would accept our dogs (they are heavier than the seeming standard of 25 lbs), but I am still not sure about how I feel about that.

This chapter is really the beginning of the healing section of this book—so while the reflection remains I think there is goin to be a more “this is how to pull out of this funk”.  I am really looking forward to it too.   I’ve been in my own funk the last few days in case no one has noticed.

Hopefully I can get to the repair shop soon so I can expand more on this section because I have so much more to say.  Until then my friends.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. February 17, 2008 6:28 pm

    Seems like a great book… and I find it funny too that child-free by choice is not acceptable. I have a very close friend who is child-free by choice and upon answering the question when she’s not around about if she wants any kids… I ALWAYS get, “REALLY?” And the look of disdain… I admire that my friend has made the choice and sticks with it… regardless of what anyone thinks or says…

    The in-between place is a harder place b/c it’s a place of no control… or seemingly no control.

    On a side note… I have a question about wordpress… lol… when I leave a comment I’ve noticed there’s no link back to my website… 🙂 Wondering if I’ve fixed it here… if not… you got any suggestions?

  2. March 9, 2008 8:51 pm

    While I love our new house, if I had known we were going to have IF and ONE income the 5 bedroom house would NOT have been bought.

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