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Sighs and Wistfulness

February 14, 2008

I wish I could sleep but I can’t seem to.

I know this sounds ridiculous considering the post I made just a few hours ago about how I love Valentines because its about the person you love….

and while that still holds true –

Man I wish …..

I don’t even want to type it but I am sure most of you know what I wish.  Eh, there is no real point to this.  Just  a “thought vomit”.

Really though— Im layin there and I think of the pictures my friend sent me.  Proud pictures of her growing belly bump.  Yep. 

The thing I want, I go through the second time of watching her goin through.   NO matter  that I am glad for her and I love her son so much– its still the matter that is what I want.

Yeah Im Jealous.

Envious.

Sad.

At this moment I sit and wonder what it must feel like to get that positive. To even worry about making the milestone that come in pregnancy.  Watching the growth, feeling the movement.  I read about it but its kind of like trying to read a work written in an extinct language.  I can see the characters that make up words and sentences that I don’t have the know-how to understand.

I know I don’t make any sense and I am not coherent and that was redundant.

Just wistful I suppose. Eh, Im goin to try and get some shut eye–if I can get my body and mind to chill out.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. journey to junior permalink
    February 15, 2008 10:06 am

    you make perfect sense. you are 100% normal. you are grieving. you can’t escape it. i wish i knew how to make it less painful. xoxo

  2. February 16, 2008 9:01 pm

    I understand the wistfulness. I feel it a lot. xo

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