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A Rant- Read as You Will

November 10, 2007

Ok.. this is gonna have nothing to do with my infertility but rather life in the military.

Now I get that people do things the way they do them and there is nothing I can say to them about it, but this is my blog and so I can write whatever I want to write.

One of Hubby’s co-workers called us a couple days ago to ask if we’d be willing to help them out a bit with the house. I found out yesterday that his wife is taking their kids back “home” because she doesn’t “like the schools” here.   Just like everyone in this unit–they just got here.  Most of the guys have orders for at least three years.  So the longest any person has been here is April.  They got here in May and we got here in June.
Anyway, that is a trend I am seeing more and more in the military that is really starting to bother me.  A wife leaving her husband to live “at home” and taking their children with them.  Their husbands left to live as a ‘geographic’ bachelor.  I mean they spend enough time away with field exercises and deployments so why not spend the time they do have together?  Why purposely separate the children from their father when he is just a state away?  Why not teach them to adjust and adapt where ever they go?  So many people say that military life is “so hard for the children”.  I say that is a huge load of bull.  It is only as difficult as the parents make it.  Teach your kids the tools they need to cope and learn.  Yes, all children are different and I realize that but there are different coping mechanisms out there and I am sure one of them will help.   I grew up in this life and so did my older brother.  We are as different as can be but we both learned how to work within the environment we were put into.  We also loved hanging out with other military kids because they could relate to when dad was gone for one reason or another.

What ever happened to home being where your spouse is (when possible) instead of where your parents are? What ever happened to making your own home for you and your spouse?  Because that is another thing I am noticing.  A military member deploys and the spouse goes “home” for the entire time so when the MM gets back there is no home for him to come back to.  No place where his things are, where his family has been making memories to share with him.  Instead, after all the stress of being deployed- he ends up having to deal with the stress of moving his family back to where they were in the first place.  This move (unlike the initial PCS move) is out of pocket cost because the military won’t pay for it.   If they get post housing then normally they get pushed to the front of the waiting list- which isn’t fair to those who have been waiting for a house–when the family of the deployed soldier voluntarily moved out and gave up that house.

It seems to me in this particular situation that the woman (and most-not all but most- of the women) who do this use their children as an excuse for their own insecurities.  It seems to me they are more concerned about what is “best for them” and not for their kids, because really- how is it the best for the children to not be with their father when there is no good reason why they couldn’t.

I understand the loneliness that comes with moving to a new place and having to meet new people and re-establish yourself.  I understand the possibility of being left alone in a new place because of deployment.  So ask if family and such can help you-visit you, spend time with you.  Go ahead and plan some time to go and visit various places, but don’t pack up and leave your home. 

I totally understand those who go back to where family is if they just find out they are pregnant, especially if it is a high-risk or difficult pregnancy.  I understand if the military member is getting out of the service and the spouse goes on ahead to get themselves established in a home and get a job so the transition is easier from military to civilian life–that is fine in my eyes. Those who develop health issues that need that support system there.  Those are legit reasons.

Just because you don’t like it— not legit.  It’s a sham that (from what I have seen) hurts more marriages and parent-child relationships than any other in this life.
Its just my opinion…posted in my space.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. geohde permalink
    November 10, 2007 10:37 pm

    I’m not military, and don’t know much about it, but you seem to have some rather valid points.

    J

  2. November 11, 2007 11:54 am

    My husband served in the navy before we met and saw many families torn apart. You’re absolutely right that there’s more than comfort at stake. Extra care needs to be given to those who wear the uniform and devote their lives to others. And we need to support the families who support them…

  3. November 13, 2007 10:54 am

    I totally, completely 100% agree with you!

  4. November 13, 2007 8:40 pm

    My Dad’s side of the family is almost completely military (my Aunt included), and they have ALL kept their family units together. My Dad had 3 siblings and they even went with my grandfather for his assignment in Malaysia. My Dad and Uncles remember most of those times fondly. (One of their favorites was Hawaii). My Grandparents have always taught us that your main family unit comes first when you decide to marry and have children. Your childhood family unit is still very important, but comes secondary. It’s worked very well for my family who has had to move. And all the kids (there are 11 grandchildren in all) have become very well adjusted when the parents do it together. Two of my female cousins LOVE the military life and are some of the most well adjusted kids I know. It’s all in the parenting and the outlook.

    Completely agree with you. (spoken as a former air force brat. 😉

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