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Delay, Marie Osmond, Information Compilation, and Expectation

October 31, 2007

I am totally on here typing so that I don’t have to clean off the kitchen table.

I am what most would call a PROCRASTINATOR

Yup, if something needs to be done I will wait the last possible moment to do it.  It worked really well for me during school, especially college.  Seriously, most of my English papers were written and completed no less than 2-6 hours before it had to be turned in.  I always did better on those papers.  I work great under pressure.

Can I just thank Marie Osmond for a second here?  Give her a shout out? 

Why would I do that?  Well last night on DWTS (which by the way I am soo mad that Sabrina Bryan got voted off—I MISS ONE NIGHT OF COMPETITION AND MY FAVORITE GETS SENT HOME!!!) they were just showing some of the behind the scenes vids and she was talking to one of her cast-mates.  She said- just in passing I suppose- that Tragedy plus Time equals humor. For some reason that is just sticking in my mind. I guess that is where I want to be.  To get to the point where all the disappointment is acknowledged and dealt with and I can look at the past three years and think of the humor that is in there rather than all the loss.  I want to be able to laugh freely, offer joy to others who are where I am at now, support them no matter where they are in the journey.

Speaking of support- I have been thinkin that I should organize all of this info I have on IF into one place…or maybe I’ll just delete it all and link to someone else’s information compilation?  Humm.. the latter would certainly be a heck of a lot easier than the former- but its not like I am pressed for time so I could still reasonably do it myself.

Also here in a few days I am gonna put up a couple pictures of this blanket I am working on.  I love it the way it is but I am thinkin about putting a backing on it (silk blend in the same sea-foam green) since it will be winter and it will be cold.  Since I can’t decide I am gonna ask you ladies and gents (if there are any of you out there who enjoy reading my randomness) for your input.  First though I have to finish the binding — only two more rows to go.

Another thing, I am kind of stressing worried anxious  stumped (ahh, that’sthe word I’m looking for) about what to write about in this cross pollination blog thing scheduled to happen 9 Nov since it has to be pre-thought.  It will be bringing different readers from someone else’s blog to mine and I want to impress, amaze and astound them.  In a good way. I would rather them not read the first three lines and click off to another more exciting, interesting blog.  I also feel bad cause I don’t have that many readers that will be introduced to her blog.  Most stumble across my space here in blog-land purely by the misguided direction of Mr. Google.  In my head I can see them reading the title of my little slice of hell heaven and say to themselves “Infertility HUH? Why am I here??”.

It is really a pointless worry but one that is there just the same. I am more of a “get on ,type, and see what happens”.  I am sure it will be awesome though.

As for working through things.. I think I may have unconsciously bumped myself into denial.  I find myself simply dismissing any thought on IF that I may have.  I guess deep down I am hoping the problems and feelings will just disappear if I stop feeding it with my attention.  With Halloween there are of coursemany many many commericals about kids and costumes on the television. That is something I have always looked forward to with having kids. Dressing them up and going with them around the neighborhood.  Maybe get their little friends all together and go walkin with them and a couple other mom’s.  Chatting and keeping an eye on them.  Diligently going through their candy for the good stuffto make sure that no crazy person has tried to injure my children.  Later on in life when I would want to be the “cool” mom who threw parties for her teen(s) friends so they would have somewhere safe to have fun. To carve pumpkins with them, make roasted pumpkin seeds, share the stories of what happened when I was a kid.  To share those things.  To create memories that would last my lifetime, the life-time of my child, their children, and their children, etc.

I am not saying that it won’t ever happen.  We may still adopt-but since that is on hold I don’t want to focus on that quite yet.   I have to deal with everything before that happens. To work on the end of one crazy journey before embarking on the next.  Come to terms with the issues I have NOW rather than to add onto the back end.  To be the most balanced person that I can be (minus what I have genetically inherited of course).

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. geohde permalink
    October 31, 2007 9:43 pm

    I have full confidence that you’ll write something great. You always do. 🙂

    Don’t stress. 🙂

    xx

    J

  2. meridian permalink
    November 1, 2007 6:41 am

    Ah, procrastination… That’s how I got through college too! Good luck on your cross pollination blog! I am really enjoying reading your blog, so I’m sure whatever you write will be good.

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