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So Now What?

October 5, 2007

OK, well here we are at the end of this journey.  I tested this morning and it was negative.  To rub it in I started my normal day before AF spotting in the later part of the afternoon–so she should be here about that time tomorrow. Well not really to rub it in.  I only tested because I had one more in the house left over from last cycle and I needed to get rid of it. I knew it was going to be negative.  I’ll attach a pic of my chart so that you all can see that a great looking chart means nothing.  

Last Chart

Anyway, I have nothing to show for this journey but some extra knowledge and a lower self-esteem.  34 cycles.  2 years 10 months (well a couple days shy of 10 months) of disappointment.

But what do I do now?  Our adoptions plans are on hold indefinitely. 

What do I focus on? What do I do with myself?

I certainly have allowed the time for me to wallow- because that is necessary. 

All I have to do is make baby blankets.  For my many many friends who are pregnant and due over the next year. 

Can I just say– three announcements over the last five days.  Yeah, thats been loads of fun.

BL-EH…what to do? what to do?

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. geohde permalink
    October 6, 2007 12:22 am

    Oh hon,

    I have no idea what you should do. I just wanted to say how sorry I am about the BFN.

    J

  2. Erin permalink
    October 7, 2007 8:25 am

    I’m sorry about your BFN. I’m coming up on 2 years of disappointment myself. And while I realize that’s not as much as you…I still feel your pain.

  3. October 10, 2007 10:23 am

    I don’t really know what to say. I’m sorry. We ARE young – perhaps a happy accident lies in the future? Maybe not though? You asked what you do now? I don’t have an answer. But I know there is one. You just have to find it. You MUST find it. Purpose is key.

  4. ilissa permalink
    October 11, 2007 12:55 pm

    i’m so sorry…i wish i had more wisdom for you. i really do.

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