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August 7, 2007

Kind of an odd title for a post I know.  I also realize that it is the middle of the night, or rather, early in the morning.  I can’t sleep.  My husband isn’t here so my bed is lonely. 

My Grandma called me today–actually tonight.  We have been planning on her coming to visit this summer, but just was waiting to make sure she was cleared by her doctors.  Shes had some blood pressure issues this year but they say shes good to go now that it is under control.  She’ll be here on the 15th.  I am excited because she is my foundation and I always feel wonderful when she comes to see me.  She did inform me though that this trip would be the one where we take care of everything pertaining to her death.

She is 67.  Healthy.  Active.  But ya know…I suppose now is really the best time to deal with these things.  We are gonna do her living will, establish me as her medical advocate as well as her POA, settle the terms of her actual will, get me my copies of all insurances, beneficiaries, account numbers w/ relevant information, lawyer information, etc.  We even decided on burial arrangements.  Shes not wanting to be buried in the ground (shes not fond of insects), and shes definitely not wanting to be cremated (shes terrified of fire) so as of tomorrow we are researching mausoleums–we call it “the Condo”. 

I know that it was all surreal.  Like I can’t possibly be talking about this with the person I love most in the world.  But for the first time in my life it really hit me that I am gonna have to bury my grandmother at some point in the very possible near future.  I can’t wrap my head around a world without her but my heart aches at the thought.  Of course I know she isn’t going to live forever but having to do this now is kind of alot.  I know though that now is the best time so that I know where and what everything is.  What she wants and know that there is gonna be a fight on my hands (which I am also not looking forward to at all) with my father and my uncle—who will surely be running with hands held out–or grabbing for whatever they can get their hands on.

 It is gonna be hard those days that we deal with this.  At least I have a week to get myself ready for it.

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