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Past Reflections

July 28, 2007

I was just sitting here watching the television and I got to thinking about the things I used to want to be when I was a child.

I always had wanted to be a writer.  I am not sure when I gave this dream up but I do remember that I used to have notebooks full of ideas and characters profiles.  I wonder where I put those notebooks or if they are even still in the possession of my grandmother.  I would not pay attention in class because I was doodling some detail here and there.  Of course my favorite school assignments were the stories. 

I also had wanted to be a fashion designer.  I would doodle those too.  My Abuela would make the dresses and outfits for my dolls so I never had to buy them.  I even designed a dress for myself a couple of times for some special occations.  I realized though that I wasn’t that creative…I really didn’t have my own ideas but would take them from things I had seen.  I moved to Fl to live with my father and that was totally out of the question.  I may have persued it if I had gone to high school in New York, but ALAS!  I did not and the path of my life changed. 

It is amazing to think of those essays they would make us write in school–you know the ones that would be “what will you be doing in X amount of years”. When I was younger I had no concept of time but later in life I did.  I am thinkin right now about my essays ten years ago.  I am no where near what the picture in my head was.  In fact, I do believe that  am completely in the opposite direction and aside from this whole fertility crap I am content.  I wanted to be a lawyer too.  In fact, the second college ( 2 of 5) I majored in Pre-Law.   Its amazing where life leads.  The choices that bring us to the point where we are at.

I don’t regret any of it even though if you had asked me five years ago I might have said different.  I had a wonderful childhood with my grandmother and on the occations I was with my father.  My teen years weren’t that great.  Five years ago I would have said that I regret and would change my decision to live full time with my father and his new wife.  What they put me through was not rational and completely uncalled for, but they taught me lessons that I did not appreciated until I got married.  They taught me how I did not want my marriage to be. They taught me what I didn’t want to do with my children.  They taught me how I didn’t want to live my life in general.  If I had not made that decision I don’t know if I would have ever met my husband or my best friend.

I have come a long way from where I was and am in no way near where I would be but I am glad for it. 

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