Im working on a post for reals. I just have to go to the doc here in a couple minutes so Im just going to leave you all with this handy tool that was passed to me from someone I don’t like so much (I really should come up with names for the crazy cast of characters in my life– remind me to do that).

Anyway, this program is free to download. It combines MySpace, Facebook and Twitter all in one window on your desktop (kind of the same thing as AIM–well the same size anyway).

Sociagami  <<<This is a link… its not changing color for some reason :/

This is cool. I got it from Taina

The premise of this little exercise is that the National Endowment for the Arts apparently believes that the average American has only read 6 books from the list below.

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare- I actually own the complete works I just have to get through the sonnets
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meany - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
7 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

Also- feel free to check out my shop

So I mentioned in my last post that I would put up pictures of the little christening dress I am making for what I hope to be my niece (if she-soon to be SIL- has a boy then I’ll just have something cute to gift someone else).

I also mentioned that I would put up some pictures of where I am at.  Even at this point-  it must admit that it is really really cute.

So here is the front. The bodice is finished and Im working my way down the skirt:

Front Bodice

And here is the back. I have to do the buttons and things but not until Im finished with the body:

Back Bodice

Where you see the eyelets a ribbon goes through.  I am thinking Lavender would be so pretty!!

and as a bonus (pardon the fuzziness of the picture, I’ll try and get another picture) here is the blanket and hat I made for one of my best friends- whose baby boy, Dustin, was born 13 days early and will get it late…but thats better than never right!

For Dustin B.

So, I am going to modify the name of this blog. Why isn’t it changed already? Simply because I want to put up something different as well but I don’t know anything about CSS so I am trying to figure out what all that is about so that I can do the change. I am so friggin clueless when it comes to any kind of web design.  Sad huh?

You may notice a new widget over in my sidebar. I am going to be changing that out a few times a week. What is it? Well, its from my online store “The Corner Bazaar“.  I add things on a regular basis and this way if something catches your eye then it will link directly to the item. Let me be honest here for a second.  Some of the items I am so lusting after.  There is this absolutely gorgeous chocolate and blue cloth wallet that I have my eye on.  HUMMM.

I also have signed up for a marketing class specifically directed to the internet environment and the best ways to determine product trends and such.  Its a six month course which starts in a couple of weeks and I am really looking forward to it.  Its the closest I’ve gotten to proper education in four years or so. Let me tell you– if I could get paid to go to school that would be the perfect situation.

My soon to be SIL and brother are going tomorrow for her first U/S since she has really no idea how far along she actually is at this point.  She said that she would email me the picture.  I am determined to bear this whole thing with the least amount of irritation.  I am so dedicated to this particular goal of mine that I have already started (and half way done with) a christening set for a girl.  Then I’ll do one for a boy so that I am prepared for either contingency.   I have many many patterns to help me in this endeavor and since I am moving this blog toward a more general tendency I’ll actually start posting pictures of what I am getting accomplished.  We’ll see how that works.

In terms of seriousness, mine has finally come to fruition. Back in October 07 I shared that I had gone on strike.  To brief those of you  who don’t want to read my rant: I told the Hubbs that if he can’t help me keep the house clean then I was going to stop cleaning up after him.  This included his laundry (he does the whole put it on, take it off, throw it on the floor etc).  So after nine months of me standing firm I am proud to report that all of his clothes are now clean. It took him a week of leave to get it all done.  It is yet to be seen if he’ll keep up with things.  I certainly don’t intend to inform the man that I’ll eventually get back to how it used to be.  To do that would negate 9 months worth of waiting.

On fertility news there really isn’t any.  I haven’t temped for more than a month, I stopped taking my suppliments and it appears as though my O date is taking a long leisurely stroll back into the 20’s.  I care just because it makes thing more complicated in general but I’ve tried to not focus on it.  I guess thats why I decided that I should put my efforts into something that might bring me something other than heartache. I must say though that I am really trying to “desensitize” myself to the fertile world.  I watch those awful shows and cry my tear-hoping to exhaust my so that when it comes to actually interacting with them.

I’m  not doing well with it if I am going to be completely honest about things.  I caught myself the other day.  I’d never realized that I can’t look someone who is pregnant in the eye.  I end up walking quicker and with my head down.  At least now that I have realized it I can take measures to keep my head high and not end up having to go back for whatever I happened to need in the aisle.

On Saturday we avoided a baby shower for one of his co-workers.  I don’t feel too badly about that since I’ve only met the wife like twice while at their house and she just completely ignored me.  Ah such is life I suppose.  I decided to make her a blanket.  Their baby was born on Sunday and they asked the Hubbs when I would be by….I am thinking that isn’t goin to happen.

I had alot more to say but since its late and my eyes are literally crossing I’ll have to end this right here >.

So I am thinking about making a small change to the title of my blog.  I haven’t decided for certain as of yet but I am thinking of making it just “Living a New Life”…. and slipping the “with Infertility” into the “about me” section.

I have been thinking that since there is nothing much we can do about actually growing our family that this blog will start to move to a more general theme BUT I will still of course be posting about IF (probably quite a bit still) just adding in the other aspects of trying to start up this store, dealing with the fibro,etc. 

Hummm…

thoughts?

I actually got this from a friend who posts at LoungePlace.

Since Hubbs is going back to work on Monday I’ll be posting more.

So until then:

A friend sent this to me, and I thought I would share it with all of you. Sad that we will all nod our heads in agreement as we read this.

Here is an obituary that was printed in The London Times … Interesting and sadly rather true.

‘Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years.

No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
Knowing when to come in out of the rain;

why the early bird gets the worm;

Life isn’t always fair;

and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you earn) and

reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.

Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate;

teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch;

and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly
children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin to a student; but could
not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses and schools became not institutions of higher learning

but rather institutions of “It’s not my fault”.

Common Sense took a beating when doctors couldn’t randomly help people in distress without being sued.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot.

She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death,
by his parents, Truth and Trust
his wife, Discretion
his daughter, Responsibility
his son, Reason

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;
I Know My Rights
I Want It Now
Someone Else Is To Blame
I’m A Victim

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

If you have thoughts,comments, or snide remarks- Please feel free to comment

That’s a rather odd choice for the title of a blog right?  For some reason (I don’t know what) “words” have been in my head.  Not as individual words like ouch but words as a collective and their importance.

I suppose I should begin this at the point where I actually noticed Word (typed in the upper-case to distinguish it from the general usage of “word’) coming to the front of my mind as there was a discussion in my McCain Ravelry group about a certain well known woman in the knitting world and a post that she made on her blog about Canada day that the original poster found to be disparaging of the United States.  So (as many of us understand when dealing with the world outside of infertility) she came into the board to vent a bit.  A few outsiders then decided that the group (my group for clarification) was wrong in our thinking- small minded, petty, raging conservatives (yeah, who knew the yarn world could be so hostile? Watch out for those needles folks!).  The original poster did not even name the author of the blog in question and made sure not to make any personal remarks (which is the wisest thing in my opinion).  She stuck to how this particular post made her feel and rather than stir the pot and post on the blog she came to where she felt safe.

Interesting that in this day and age our lives are so affected (for better or for worse) by people we don’t even know.  We could pass them in the street and not know who they were and yet know so much about them that people in visual life (as opposed to real life because in my view the Internet does not constitute a fake life or fake friends) wouldn’t even guess at- of course in terms of not only infertility but any board that makes any topic its central theme.   I think that many forget that their personalities mean nothing, their status in the world in which they work (be it corporate work or work in the home) is not a factor– simply you become to those in that environment the sum of your words. In a sense who you are in that moment is who you will be to others for much longer than that moment.

In this day and age the old saying *”Sticks and Stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”* is a down right fallacy.  Who can even find a stick to throw these days outside of a park? Words are the new bullets.  They injure the person on a level beyond the physical.  Words like *racist*, *intolerant*, *flip-flopper*  which are being used quite a bit these days with the U.S. Elections.  Where the IF world clashes with the rest of the world words like “bitter”, “finally”, “relax”, and others of that ilk are used and often pierces straight to the gut. Then there are words that inspire like *hero*, *you CAN*, etc.  Words that forge relationships because they are labels *Husband*, *Wife*, *Daughter*,  *son*, *Friend*, etc. Words that bind “*I do*”, “*I will*

Words are so important in this age of technology and it really is remarkable. Words reveal the ideas we want to get across–”I love you” for instance will cause flutters in the heart (at least they do to me) where as “I hate you” may cause a heart to break.  One word changes the entire idea.  Sometimes mere omission of an idea, a lack of words, can be poignant.  Staying on the same track as the previous example- I have never told my dads wife that I love her and the omission is recognized.

Words on the Internet amaze me in that the way people choose to use them.  To substitute one word for another.  Tone is so difficult to distinguish that our impressions of the person are strictly a product of what a person says and how another person then filters the words used- often filtered by their own personal emotions (and that can cause a problem as well.

I know my thoughts are rather disjointed but Im just trying to get this out of my head.  Day after day the thoughts of words have been just crowding my mind.  It certainly is an interesting issue to have- especially considering that there is so much else I would rather be throwing myself into but even with knitting it cuts in.

I just hope that the sum of my words represent who I am in the way that I view myself (if that makes sense)

I’d like this post to be a discussion because I’d love to know other peoples thoughts on this. Do you feel as though the words you have put out there into Internet land represent you as a whole or just a portion?  What words make you stop and wonder?  What words wound you? What words lift you up? 

P.S.

If you have a minute stop by my shop “Lorenzo’s Bazaar“! I’ve added a baby section for those of you expecting or know someone who is (the whole reason the section is there is because of my soon to be niece or nephew and  shopping for him/her).

Im just going to jump right in here with both feet and pullin everything into this post instead of making different posts on different blogs.  Its just plain laziness I tell ya!  At least I admit it right?

Anyway, I’ve noticed a trend lately in my sphere of the infertility world, and that is one of three things have/are happening: 1) Successful Pregnancy and birth (2) actively persuing ART’s or adoption and (3) removing themselves from the this world as much as they can.  I think that is just a really general kind of list as there are women who have not had successful pregnancies, who are starting all over again, etc.  I think I notice because these are women that walked the road with me and I’ve looked around and noticed that “HEY, where the heck did every one go”.  I assume though that it is natural to want to move on if it (being pregnancy resulting in a live child) doesn’t happen.  One can only handle the insanity so long right?  I am glad for those on each of those paths and only wish for the very best outcome.  It does make me a little bit sad though that maybe after setting aside IF if these wonderful women and myself may not remain “friends”?

I certainly hope that isn’t the case!

I have kind of almost fully withdrawn myself from the majority of the boards I used to frequent in relation to conception. I still read and keep up with those on my clicker list– but since most of those are adoption there is alot of waiting going on and with that waiting reading about the every day things that happen in life.  I haven’t made an announcement or anything since I do check the boards at least once a day- and should I see something I can contribute to I do. 

I have stepped away though with the addition of different things to my (our) life.  We got Chubby (who is 13 weeks today and currently sittin in my lap while I type) and so I’ve been busy getting him house broken (which hasn’t been very difficult thank the Lord).  I also started a couple stores online.  Yep, a couple as in two!  The first is The Corner Bazaar where there are cute CUTE things for children’s bedrooms and customizable sets.  The second store is Lorenzo’s Bazaar and that one is really the one I am focusing on.  As “bazaar” indicates it will hopefully have a wide range of items so that everyone finds at least one thing they need (or want).  I’ve worked on the Women’s Section, Pet Section, added some exercise videos (some of which I am particularly keen to try cause they look like fun: belly dancing, tap dancing, etc).  Just today I added a Baby section (suggestion of my Mama so that she could look at the price of travel systems) with quite a few different kinds of diaper bags for both guys and gals.  When I finish this I suppose that I will add the maternity clothing to the women’s section (hoping that won’t be difficult).  I am holding off on the Books section (though I did add a few different cookbooks in there if anyone wants to see) because I have a feeling that will take more than just a day to complete.  Same with general electronics (even though at the Corner Bazaar I have GPS systems in there-some of which have the Hubbs wanting).

Things on the health front are kind of frustrating as well.  The records department is once again at the very front of my irriations.  They (being tricare) refered me outside of the system to the neurologist, but somehow thought that the man wouldn’t need a copy of my recent test records.  So he called to request them and they told him that it would be easier if I went in and got the records sent to the office.  Sounds easy right?  But NOOO.  Let me tell you that they are only open on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays (unless there happens to be some sort of federal, local or training holiday on one of those days).  On those three days they are only open from 8 in the morning to 2 in the afternoon (and they take about an hour or so for lunch).  I went on Monday since I was over there anyway and got to the office at around 1:45 and they were already closed.  I tried again on Wednesday but no one was in the office.. so I tried to call and no one picked up the friggin phone.  The neurologist’s office keeps calling to find out about the test results because they need those before they can order up the MRI and I can’t get a hold of anyone in that office to get anything done.  And sure enough when I finally do get to it they’ll act like I am asking too much of them even though it is their job. 

As far as the Lyrica trial I am sort of in a quandary about it.  I certainly felt the side effects as I moved up in dosage but I’ve been on 300mg a day for about two weeks now and my body is past the side effects stage but now it doesnt feel as though it is doing anything.  Even in the last few days it seems as though I haven’t taken it at all!  The pain has been rather dreadful especially yesterday where my wrists, feet, ankles, back— it all hurt.  On the pain scale it was workin steady at about a 9.5.

We’ve gone a few movie dates the past couple of fridays!  Yesterday was really interesting.  We went to the movie theater and there was hardly anyone there!  On a FRIDAY night!  Anyway, we saw “Wanted” and I really liked the movie! The end was rather unexpected (but really kind of gratifying in a weird kind of way- refering to Angelina Jolie IRL and not her character in the film).  As much as I am jealous of Ms. Jolie ( I have to use the word “jealous” because I don’t really hate the woman, I just completely envy her ability to bear children as well as the resources to adopt and do ARTs- if the rumors are true) she did a wonderful job with her character “Fox” and she is gorgeous.  Last week we saw “Get Smart” and that was really very funny as well!  I totally expected it since Steve Carell (is that spelled right?  Im too lazy to go and check) is in it but the action was pretty good too (on HBO’s Inside Look they say that they did the stunts themselves.. which- if you’ve seen the move- is very impressive).  Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson was hilarious as well, more so than he was in Be Cool. 

On the fertility front-nothing is goin on there.

I am reading some interesting books in lieu of the elections coming up and I think I’ll comment on those later as I’d like more time to ponder.  Obama has certainly caused a stir but he’s not really impressed me at all as I’ve read through some of the things he said (an subsequently changed) in the recent past and his position on topics close to my heart.  I am learning about McCain and actually one of the books that I am reading was by a reporter for Rolling Stone magazine who rode the trail with McCain back in his 2000 bid for the Presidency.  Its called “McCain’s Promise” and it really is an interesting point of view and more so a rather informational look at what happens on the press side of elections behind the scenes (some of which are rather funny).  Its a good read and I’d recommend it to anyone.  I found it shoved between two large current event books at Barnes & Nobles.

Well, enough procrastinating for me.  I gotta get more things into the shop.  I would really appreciate any feedback you guys have if you decide to stop by and take a look into either one of the shops.

Happy Independence Weekend!!

My thumb that is….

It got slammed  in the door yesterday…

I have a few posts on stand by in my little notebook but it will take too long just now for my poor thumb.

In a few days.. Ill be back

Health Update: Stalling Out

Well I am about to so hold your horses.  I have been trying to go back to school for my bachelors since I graduated with my associates (that took me four years and five colleges to actually complete).  The year we got married I knew I would be screwed for 2005 as in addition to my husband’s income there was my income (which was quite a bit seeing as I was working three jobs).  In 2005 was the first year I didn’t work at all so it was just filing jointly with one income.  I thought for sure I would have a chance at getting the Pell Grant for the 2006 school year– but no I didn’t then either because we apparently still made too much money.  The 2006 year I helped my friend fill out her FAFSA and she ended up getting a full grant– al expenses paid to go to school.  The same school I was trying to attend.  Well that got my hopes all up because of several things: we both lived in the same apartment community (like five steps from my door to hers) and basically had the same expenses, both our husbands were of the same pay rank so we got paid the same (base pay, housing allowance and sustainance allowance).  So for the 2007 FAFSA I was excited and rearin to go but again… got nothing. 

You wanna know the ONLY difference in application?  She has a kid and I don’t.  When I asked the financial aid office about it they said to me that it was because she had a kid and I don’t. Isn’t that a nice slap in the face?

Anyway, so I get a phone call a couple weeks ago from my student advisor that there were some changes made to levels and such and that I should try again.  I also took into consideration that the difference in income from 2006 to 2007  was substantial (were talkin more than 13,000 less in gross income) that maybe this time I would qualify for some help.  Well nope. Apparently the Estimated Financial Contribution was about 6100.  I’d love to know who the heck came up with the magic formula that shot out that POS number.  I guess we have no bills or rent to pay.  I suppose we maintain sustinence in the form of magic water which provides for our every nutritional need so we certainly don’t need to be spending money on food for ourselves since water is free (which it really isn’t since we have that non-existant water bill to pay). 

So I gues this means that unless I pop out a child I wont be going back to school– there is no sense in trying to before then. Unless of course I commit some crime– then I’d get my education free and clear while serving out my sentence.

::

In other news, I think that Lycira  may have screwed up my cycles again.  I don’t usually use OPK’s but I am testing them out to see if they work for me.  I was planning on seeing if all three methods (the scope, temps and OPK’s) would correlate.  Well at around CD16 or so I got tired of doing the scope so I stopped.  I’d long since stopped with the temps cause I was just waiting for some indication on my scope that Ovulation was on its way (in other words, looking for partial ferning).  The OPK’s had been giving me dark lines since the first one on CD 5 so I stopped POAOPK every day and just worked it every other day (still getting dark lines).  Well yesterday I was like “why not” so I grabbed one and what happened?  The line popped up right away (as in before the pee even hit the control line)  but was only fractionally darker than those previously.  So screwed up.  OHH today is CD23 by the way

Man, everything seems to be sucking more than royally at this point.  Nothing I try my hand at is working for me.  Ohh did I mention that my herb garden that I was so proud of is now dead?  Yeah that too.  At this rate its a miracle that my dogs are alive- since they depend on me for everything as well.

So the last few days have been pretty busy for us here which is why I haven’t really found enough time to write (that and Im still suffering from that block between my head and my fingers).

Anyway, the difficult thing about Infertility (one of the many many difficult things) is financing- adoptions both domestic and international cost money, even the most simple (excuse the snort that accompanies that) of ART procedures.  The cost isn’t relieved by any kind of insurance coverage.

So the hubbs and I have been trying to figure out how we can grow our family from the financial aspect.  So we have put together everything we owe and the highest total assumed cost for adoptions and settled on a five year plan (that would make me 30–figures that was when I’d planned on having my family complete, not just gettin started). 

So I’ve opened an online store that will strictly be for those two things- debt reduction and savings increase. There are alot of products in there (I think something like 1500) from electronic, video games (Wii,xbox360,etc), home decor,etc.

I think that maybe I’ll feature a particular product in the side bar every once in a while.

So all I ask that you (dear reader) bookmark the shop and when ya need something check it out first (or second,third) or at least give it a consideration.

The Corner Bazaar

So today I wake up again (I had to bring the Hubbs in today) and check my blog here and what do I see?!

20,034 Hits!

WOW.  I think thats pretty alright.  Its alot to me thats for sure- especially considering that I’ve only been doing this a year and a coupla days (June 17th was when I started this blog last year– I think I’ll do a best of.. )

Anyway, that’s it for now… I have lots to talk about  but have to get some things done first (like makin the grocery list).  I’ll try and be on later

So its 2 in the morning and I’ve been sucked into watching  Superman Returns on one of the movie channels… which is absolutely rediculous because we own the movie and I can watch it when ever I feel like it.

Anyway, maybe someone can answer this (or speculate is good too).

They always show Superman flying..and he can go from fast to slow, foward and backward

but How?

Ok answer me that while I figure out if I have yet another stye in my eye or if its pink eye– either way its like just one more little thing the universe wants to throw into my sucky cupla weeks.

Health News: I Think This May Be Working

Introducing: Keeping It All Together

Ok, so I have tried to write a post for quite some time now and all I’ve ended up doin is staring at the screen.  Writer’s block is seriously building at great thick wall between me and my thoughs.  So I decided that I am just going to write and see where it takes me.  This may or may not be long but the last few days have certainly been blog worthy-  but I just couldn’t find the words.

Just a note about the link at the top of this page.  I decided that I will keep certain things out of this particular blog.  Instead I created one new blog to keep track of what I feel is interesting new articles from various places around the world (since I do believe that we have a very biased media and I find it interesting what other nations think of our politics as well as learning about things happening in the world that we don’t hear about here).  Mainly focused right now on the election but I am hoping to expand it into general news stuff that i feel strongly about outside of Infertility. I tend to lean conservative in the majority of my views, but I am open to knowing more about any one elses views as long as it remains on topic - just lettin y’all know.Today I just posted the link to the blog in general rather than a subject in there because I still have plenty of articles I want to put up before I start gettin specific. The other blog is to keep track of my health issues outside of infertility.    Things like symptoms, medications and general insurance ranting. The last of the three will be more religious/spiritual/biblical in nature. So basically I’m choosing to keep “hot button” issues seperate from this blog in general. When I post in any them I will probably  end up posting here too..so I’ll put links at the top of the page then you (dear reader) can decide if you want to read or not read it. I hope this works out in reality as well as it does in my head.

Ok now that I have said all that let me just tell you all what happened yesterday.  I have told you guys that my brother’s fiance/wife (she said she changed her name but I am not quite sure if she meant legally or just in her head–) is indeed pregnant.  My feelings about this are pretty typical I suppose but to be honest I think that sometimes I feel all alone when I get news like this.  I think it may be apart of my block.  When I sit down to write about how I feel my mind goes blank.   Maybe its a survival tactic/coping mechanism?  What ever it is I am gonna poke a hole in it and see hopefully the issue at hand and be able to actually write it down.

See it’s happening again. Im drawing a blank so I just state facts and hopefully feelings will follow. Fact: My mother sent me a picture of Fertili-girl (thats what I am goin to refer to brother’s girlfriend/fiance/ wife because it takes to type out what I just wrote repeatedly)…a belly shot.  I’ve got more of a belly in my bloat than she does at this point.  The question here is why the heck is she sending me this?  I’ve posted about this at Loungeplace but for those of you who are not members there let me say that my Mom knows something is wrong.  I can tell because of the way she tries to protect me from the “kids” questions that end up being asked at family gatherings.  Even from my own Big Daddy who is so eager to be a Grandpa.  She usually calls to give me a heads up whenever some new person related by blood or by choice in our family gets knocked up.  She got major coolio points over Christmas.  But yesterday all that went down the drain.  I need to call her and tell her that she absolutely cannot and should not send me pictures of Fertili-girl’s belly.  I need to but I haven’t for the simple reason that I am still really upset about it.

I must say that I am really feeling the “line” mentalilty with this–not just fertili-girl but with Andrea and Cousin D.  I was in line first and I should have made this same announcement years ago.  None of these women are ready for a child (in Andrea’s case the addition of #4- she barely cares for the ones she’s got already).   Anyway, I think most of my family doesn’t get why I’m not excited. My Grandmother asked me when I told her about all this and she kind of slapped me on the hand verbally.  I am NOT excited to be a Tia at this point.  It’s all to new and raw for me to be happy about it.  I don’t want to offer my congrats or gush over how she’s feeling.  Maybe when my niece or nephew come into this world I can love and appreciate them as they are- wholly seperate from pregancy and my own issues with IF.   I am very confident that I can do that.

I think another part of my issue specifically with my younger bro in becoming a dad (possibly) is that whole “line mentality”. We should have made that annoucement already, we should be the one’s giving my parents their frist grandchild- to be the one to fulfill that part of their life story.  And it isn’t gonna happen that way apparently.

:::

Let me tell you all about what my husband told me.  One of his co-workers, Nick, has a wife who is pregnant and due next month.  They were at the store and when them came back outside they heard some crying but didn’t know where it was coming from.  As they kept walking it got louder and they realized it was a baby crying.  As they got closer it got lounder and more insistant.  Nick saw that it was coming from the area where they had parked their truck.  Near them was another truck that it seemed the crying was coming from.  So they go and they find a baby, in his carrier, locked in the car with the back windows cracked!  Let say that for a couple weeks now we’ve had triple digit weather.  We are supposed to be getting a cold front for a day and the temps will drop to 94 degrees.  So yeah– its more than just a little bit hot ouside– imagine what its like in a truck with no a/c on.  So Im sure many of you will understand the absolute horror of what was going on.  Nick tried to get the door unlocked while his wife Rach called the police.  The baby was sweating, red-in the face so Nick decided that the cops wouldn’t mind if he broke the window to get to the kid so that is what he did.  Lord only knows if the incident left this child challeged in some way but most definately scarred. It took the father almost another 15 minutes to come out of the store- into the hands of the police and off to jail.  They did take the baby for care and I assume they called the mother.   Can you believe that?  It really got my Hubbs mad!

Im gonna have to end it there folks.  I am fading fast and need to try and load the dishwasher- but maybe after a nap.

So today wasn’t good.  Really it sucked MAJORLY.

But.. I found out that I won a drawing for a 400 dollar coupon for American Laser Centers.  They don’t just do hair removal so I am goin in on Wednesday afternoon for a consult and to decide which of the services Im goin to indulge in.  Tomorrow I am sure gonna go to Unravel and buy yarn and get my nails and toes all pretty!

I think I deserve it…

I’ll have to blog about the rest of my

So Im goin to be an auntie after all.

(insert any curse word that may apply here).

this is a really crappy day.  Now I am expecting one more phone call.  I don’t know from whom but you know how it is…  it comes in groups.

OHH wait, never mind.  Andrea is pregnant as well.. so thats three.

Maybe I won’t get any phone calls.

Signed,

Tia Barren

I am just extremely frustrated that the media seems to ignore the fact that Infertility doesn’t just happen to couples older than 30.

Hello, there are PLENTY of twenty-somethings out there dealing with this who are simply told that “they are young”, “they have time”, etc.

Only when they hit 30 or so they start to say “ohh you shouldn’t have waited so long”, etc

ARGHHH…

So I am currently going through the woes of housebreaking for the third time (yeah, and I said I would never do that again– i scoff at my ignorance- cause who can resist a puppy?)

Chubby was doing really well.  He would yap when he needed to go out and it was all good. No house accidents.  But then the Hubbs came back from visiting family in Jacksonville and its like the little man decided he would revert to non-housebroken status.  I thought that it had something to do with the Hubbs comin back and him not liking it. 

Very Possible.

But I’m not going to send the Hubbs away just so our dog can take it outside.  He’s leaving for a month next week anyway.

And the heat/sun certainly isn’t helping my cause one bit! He doesn’t like it at all.  Today I even tried taking him to the corner farthest away from the door (but still in shade).  When I set him down I totally expected him to head in that direction but stop along the way and relieve himself.  NOPE.  That little booger ran like Satan was on his heels straight to the door.  So I sat there..in the heat until he gave me a courtesy tinkle.  Yes.. he went a little bit…and I thought he was done until…

We went to the bathroom, then he proceeded to unload on the rug.  UGH.  So now he’s in his kennel napping like all is right in the world while I cleaned (or was cleaning since now I am typing) up his mess. 

Speaking of world.  Check out this site called TOMS Shoes. TOM’s Shoes is a company that produces some great, and amazingly comfy little shoes. Every time you buy a pair, they donate a pair to a child in a third world country. t’s the easiest way I can think of to do something that has immediate benefits to someone less fortunate.

On this site there is also the sale of : the FEED bag is designed to raise awareness and funds for hungry children and to help them get into school and out of hunger. Each FEED bag sold will provide a school year of meals for one child in need and give them the hope of an education and a regular meal. Whether you tote your FEED bag to school, work, play, or shop, remember that your bag helped to FEED and educate one child for one school year.

So if you have a few extra bucks…visit the site. You’ll get something that gives more (does that even make sense?)

Man I woke up feelin like a bus ran over me in my sleep.  I can’t wait til this stuff starts to work.

Ok, back to regularly scheduled programming

This is kind of long…so if you don’t want to read it all then jump to the bottom and answer the question should it suit your fancy

So that is what I am goin to try and do.  Lately I’ve just been so tired (I am guessing that is a mix of being on no medications, low iron and then starting new meds).  Even now I am sitting here on the couch with my two boys (Blade and Chubby- the dogs) with a box of wheat thins, a skein of yarn with knitting attached to it because somehow I messed up one row and will have to frog (which I absolutely hate doing with knitting- its so much more fun with crochet).  Lesson here is do NOT try and knit a particularly complex section when you are droppin lids at 10 in the evening. Just put it down and go to bed!  Especially if you are still a beginner.  FULL CONSENTRATION NEEDED PEOPLE. 

Also, dealing with infertility really has become more of a back burner thing.  Its still there and it still hurts but I’ve pushed it a bit farther away. I think that in really looking at the reasons why it hurt soooo much (and still continues to do so) really helped me look the monster in the eye.  Maybe while I shove it under the bed.

Maybe it could find some lost shoes that have ventured into never-never-land.  Ok.. that was stupid but ohh well. 

Back to the topic on hand: infertility.  It really sucks.  I know that I am just repeating what everyone knows but sometimes you just have to say it.  I’ve been sleeping on the news that my cousin is pregnant.  She is the first in our generation to actually get to that point.  Im the only one actually trying to have a child (or was trying- may be trying again in the relatively near future-talk about that later).  I am wondering what Cousin D will do.  Will she keep the child? Will she take care of herself during her pregnancy?  Will she be equiped to take care of the child after her pregnancy (seeing as the father has yet to finish high school Im not exacting counting him in the support picture)?  Will she …

That the question that runs through my head.  Will she?  What will she do?  My grandmother is the one that called and told me about Cousin D’s (lets refer to her from now on as C.D) announcement.  She also stated all the reasons I have as to why this isn’t the ideal situation.  My grandmother then said that maybe someone in the family could care of the baby in a way that the child needs.  She named alot of peope– except for us.  I even said “What about us?” and either she didn’t hear or she acted like she didn’t hear.  No matter that pause…that silence at the suggestion ripped my heart.  Does my Grandmother not think we can care for a child?   I mean, we have a home that is large enough for a child (seriously when your dogs have their own room there is plenty of space).  We have a steady income.  We have retirement savings.  We have the love and the desire for a child.  Yes, I have health issues but now thats being taken care of.  I know how to work our money.  I just don’t understand.  That pause, that half second, really hurt.    I am kinda hopin that she didn’t hear what I said because that would be better than the other option.

So I did mention that we may be jumpin back on the wagon in a bit.  Don’t know for sure when because we haven’t actually sat down and talked it out.  Its just been coming up more and more in conversation.  It certainly won’t be soon as the Hubbs has field training from this month through to next month (as I mentioned in a previous post).  Don’t know whats goin on after that since it depends on how the exercise goes this time around I suppose.  The Army Times is reporting that there is a new formula for deployment and they are goin to start lookin to the men and women who haven’t been deployed in a while (Hubbs has been home for a year) or had short-term deployments (Hubbs had several of these as his old unit did deployment rotation, and his final 12 month deploy was cut short by three months because we got orders here) so we are pretty much thinkin that he’ll be on that list at some point. 

Of course, Army Times is not the end all be all and the rumor mill is usually more accurate.  But this gives us a heads up as to what may be happenin for us in 09.  All this is being considered on my end- I am assuming at this point that he’s thought about this as well since he’s the one bringing it up.  I did get some OPK’s this cycle just to try them out and see whats goin on and if it will match up with my scope and temps.  Anyway, today I started them and there was a line!  What in the world?  It wasn’t a postive by any means but it wasn’t light either.  I am only CD 5.  I bet I’ll be one of those who it does’t work for.  Oh well.  Can’t say I didn’t try.  I’ll keep up on it though until its fully positive.  It will at least be interesting to see how things co-ordinate with the scope.

In testing- health news- like I said before I am really kind of loopy from the lycira but it says that its a normal side- effect and it will only last as long as it takes for my body to become adjusted accustomed to it. Did you know that you could totally feel dizzy laying down in bed and rolling over?  Well you can!  Thats how I’ve woken up the past couple days (besides Chubby yappin cause he needs to go out).  Today, I woke up that way but my feet seriously hurt.  Since it can take up to six weeks for the full benefit to be shown I am not quite as disappointment in the apparent lack of relief.  The doc told me that it would be this way and Im not even a week into the trial (six days).  I feel like my eyes are crossing but they aren’t.  Its wierd.

My blogversary (is that what you call it?) is coming up.  June 17th.  Thats pretty neat.  I’ve made approximately 219- this will be 220- posts and have approximately 19, 136 hits.  I wonder if it’ll be 20,000 by the time the year mark rolls around.  That’s alot of typin! Im ok with that though.  I love this medium.

Saying that- I would hope that you, regular readers, do not mind if I start to include more of my general opinions here.  In saying that while it is a primarily infertility blog, i am tempted to begin just using it as archive (for internet articles of any nature be it infertiity/feritilty, social issues, political issues, sports, television, etc.   I thought about starting another blog but that really would be a hassel.

HOWEVER- I would like opinions.  Would you be offended if I posted political views here and asked for participation?  If I post something inane (as related to television) will that be ok? If I talk about a book that i’ve just finished?  Crochet or knitting? Mentioning more about my fibro and other issues? Let me know because I would not want to alienate any of you from this space of mine.

There was something else, but I can’t remember what so when I do I’ll just make another post.

Let me share about my cousin.  Shes the only other girl (besides myself of course) in our generation.

Shes known as Crazy D****.

She doesn’t work.

She goes from family member to family member– moving on when she gets kicked out because she’s messing up the family harmony. 

Our younger cousin almost ended up dropping out of school because of Crazy D.  We are all very proud of her for moving past the issues that were casued by Crazy D and doing the work to make sure she graduated on time- which she will next week.

Crazy Cousin D is bi-polar and she knows it.  She chooses not to take medication to regulate herself and ends up in the hospital quite often (remember where I said she doesn’t work?- yeah guess whose payin for those trips?).

She’s an alcoholic.

She’s the one who told me before my wedding that I had to sleep around because I don’t want my husband to be the only man I know what sex feels like with (which is completely the opposite of what  I want- which is why my husband is the only man i’ve ever been with).

And she’s pregnant.

Yup, right now shes about 4wks almost 5. Without even askin I know when shes due- Feb 10th.  You see… I started my period three days ago.  Thats when she tested cause she was “late”.  That means that while we may or may not have cycled together, our O dates were right there in the same window. Isn’t that nice– its great news to get when your all crampin and miserable.

The father of the baby.  He’s 18.   He graduates from high school in two weeks.  He still lives with his parents and she lives with all of them.  Everyone is pretty sure that Crazy D will wear out her welcome in her boyfriends (quite literally boy) parents home once they find out she’s knocked up. 

its all crap.

So Its been a bit.

Sorry for the delay but I’ve started my Lycira trial and it does make one kind of loopy so please pardon if my thoughts are dis-jointed.

We have a new pup. His name is “Chubby” after my baby bro who graduated this past weekend. He’s a Chi/Pug mix (that I supposed would make him a Chug…LOL… that sounds funny- anyway). So he was doing really well with potty training, but he’s had a few accidents. I don’t think he likes the heat… cause he’ll only stay in the shadow- even if its only a tiny bit against the house. Then as soon as he gets inside where its cool….he goes.
So anyone know how to turn the heat down in the desert?

Anyway, heres a pic of the cutie

I got my internal medicine appointment taken care of and turns out that I am apparently also anemic (in the chronic sense- isn’t that nice?).  And see started me on this Lycira trial (i think i mentioned that already but I am not gonna stop typing so if I did then just look at the last statement as a reminder.  Anyway, she says if this works for me that there are those who take it who can make it through the day *pain free*.  I’d still have to take it easy because it doesn’t stop the actual issues- I just won’t feel the results as immediate.  Just a warning to you all… i do have to keep some sort of log on how Im doing so while it may sound like complaining- its for a reason.

Umm,

I am still waiting on Rheumatology to call for when my appointment will be, but my neurology will be on the 17th.  I figure that since I have to drive to Las Cruces that I’ll stop by Unravel, a yarn shop that I have heard many good things about.

For those of you who commented on my help post: I’ve decided to make my friend a layette set.  She said she would very much appreciate the gift…so Im working on that as well.

My brother (the one who thought his girlfriend was pregnant but she wasn’t) is now engaged.

The hubs is goin out again for a month so I’ll be jammin here in the house with me and the dogs.  FUN right?  Eh, we’ll see.

hopefully later today… if I can find some time

I have to go to New Mexico to see a neurologist. 

How is it possible that there are no neurologists in this city accepting new patients?

So I am so thankful there is nothing wrong with my head.

But they still don’t know whats wrong soooo

I have to see the neurologist (and the one here at the MTF won’t see me.  Isn’t that nice?) and so must wait for TriCare to not only approve that but to find me a doc and make me an appointment.

Internal Med can’t see me today– but in a couple days they’ll call to let me know when I can come in.

Rheumatology says they need to find space for me so Im waiting on them too.

I’ve also been told that I need to stop my pain meds (since that is my newest Rx until I’m done with Neurology and Internal Med.

So..I’ll be cranky in a couple days.. Im just warning y’all